I didn't think I could do this, but I am! I've made chili - no chili powder, so I used some medium spice salsa. I made chicken with veggies, and I made some salads and things. I hate making salads.
I'm going to make chicken salad and then use those Korean lettuce leaves to make lil sammiches I think.
I went to costco, I've bought a lunchbox, I made yogurt. yep. Doing good!
The hardest part came when I had gone out for a midmorning appointment and ended up having lunch out. My friend Irina invited me over for dinner. (What to do?!) So I asked if she would let me help her make dinner so I could meet my goal. She did! Gnochhi!
School starts in a little more than a week. My schedule is BUSY, and I want to be ready!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
New Challenge - cooking beginning 8/14, ending 9/12
Every day I will cook either dinner or lunch.
Tonight I think it's going to be eggs. I hadn't planned on this... although I could I suppose go grocery shopping. There IS a store in my building for goodness' sake! Costco tomorrow for spices and more.
Maybe this dude could come cook for me! (I love the cufflinks. Very classy.)
Tonight I think it's going to be eggs. I hadn't planned on this... although I could I suppose go grocery shopping. There IS a store in my building for goodness' sake! Costco tomorrow for spices and more.
Maybe this dude could come cook for me! (I love the cufflinks. Very classy.)
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Day 30 - I made it!
Well, it's been a long row. I suppose I won't have truly made it until I do this today. But here it is. The last day of the 30 day challenge.
So, I lived through a flood - didn't meditate for a couple of days although I couldn't tell you which couple because I may actually have still meditated between yoga class and doing meditations with my students and my friend. I also did this after surgery. (I didn't talk about it in the blog). I had surgery last week, and one of the things that helped was doing longggggggggggggggggg meditations - a twenty minute, a one hour, a three Buddhist song meditation. Whatever.
I've had amazing dreams, I've realized somethings about myself, I've found some of my dreams again.
ON the other hand, I'm not sure it has done more for me than focus me on what I truly want in my heart. The problem now is... what next? I guess it's not a problem, but a question. I've wanted to add somethings in my life for awhile, but I've resistant - riding my bike every day or going for a walk, no sugar, make my bed every day, put on make up every day, etc. Small things, I know, but mine nonetheless. I like the 30 day challenge. I'll start a new one tomorrow. I'll meditate today on what I want to add to my life. I know it won't be the outside things because with the weather and after surgery it's not possible - down the line yes, but not now. We'll see.
p.s. If there are spelling, grammar, or other errors, do be patient. I can't see after the surgery very well(lasek) so I'll fix those problems later! Here's how I'm gonna look for the next six months!
So, I lived through a flood - didn't meditate for a couple of days although I couldn't tell you which couple because I may actually have still meditated between yoga class and doing meditations with my students and my friend. I also did this after surgery. (I didn't talk about it in the blog). I had surgery last week, and one of the things that helped was doing longggggggggggggggggg meditations - a twenty minute, a one hour, a three Buddhist song meditation. Whatever.
I've had amazing dreams, I've realized somethings about myself, I've found some of my dreams again.
ON the other hand, I'm not sure it has done more for me than focus me on what I truly want in my heart. The problem now is... what next? I guess it's not a problem, but a question. I've wanted to add somethings in my life for awhile, but I've resistant - riding my bike every day or going for a walk, no sugar, make my bed every day, put on make up every day, etc. Small things, I know, but mine nonetheless. I like the 30 day challenge. I'll start a new one tomorrow. I'll meditate today on what I want to add to my life. I know it won't be the outside things because with the weather and after surgery it's not possible - down the line yes, but not now. We'll see.
p.s. If there are spelling, grammar, or other errors, do be patient. I can't see after the surgery very well(lasek) so I'll fix those problems later! Here's how I'm gonna look for the next six months!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Call of the Goddess
One thing that has come up, abundantly clear, for me is that I am not a Christian. I am not something in particular, but I'm definitely not a believer that Jesus Christ was the redeemer and all those other words. I expect he was a good man, a man touched by G*d perhaps even. But was he the Messiah? Not in my mind.
What resonates for me so much is the Earth Based religions.
here is the Call of the Goddess:
I who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters,
I call upon your soul to arise and come unto me.
For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe.
From me all things proceed and unto me they must return.
Let my worship be in the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.
Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.
And you who seek to know me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.
For behold, I have been with you from the beginning,
I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
That definitely resonates for me.
What resonates for me so much is the Earth Based religions.
here is the Call of the Goddess:
I who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters,
I call upon your soul to arise and come unto me.
For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe.
From me all things proceed and unto me they must return.
Let my worship be in the heart that rejoices, for behold, all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.
Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.
And you who seek to know me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.
For behold, I have been with you from the beginning,
I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
That definitely resonates for me.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Day 23 - All Acts of Love and Pleasure Are My Rituals.
I've been thinking / meditating on twelve step programs. There is a step that says We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G*d as we understood G*d. I understand G*d as the giver of pleasure.
With that in mind, I'm writing one hundred things that bring me pleasure.
1. Laughter.
2. Seeing children dance ballet
3. the smell of jasmine surprising me as I walk by.
4. Aramis and the memories it brings me.
5. Red lipstick.
5. Earl Grey tea, hot.
7. Jean Luc Picard
8. When a song or a line comes to me and resonates deep down to my toes.
9. Being organized.
10. Butterflies.
11. Ennio Moricone - Gabriel's Oboe.
12. Yo Yo Ma - I feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I write his name. His work is so beautiful - it is like the heavens opened up and placed and angel in his arms.
13. Books that make me laugh out loud - especially when everyone else is quiet.
14. The smell of the woods at night.
15. Coffee in the morning.
16. My plants.
17. Lemon soap.
18. My grandma.
19. Aunt Ceil when she dresses up and works her sizzle.
20. Uncle Jimmy's corny jokes.
21. The old guy on 1% of anything. He cracks me up.
22. The sound of the gong on Daily Zen. com
23. My pink quartz stone.
24. Seeing my students work hard and laugh while they do it.
25. Boys with braces.
26. cowboys.
27. combinations that are odd.
28. Fizzy's purr.
29. The doggie wiggle dance.
30. turning the corner and seeing something majestic.
31. hugs.
32. The lasers at Harlem.
33. How Irina talks about poetry and her native Russia.
34. meditation.
35. Riding my bicycle.
36. blowing bubbles.
37. toys that have no purpose except to be moved around
38. logic puzzles that stump me and make me think really hard.
39. The music of - what's her name? Something Gardot. Wow.
40. The Korean ladies who have a soft spot for me and they smile big when I come around.
41. Books, books and more books.
42. Reading Spanish and understanding it.
43. Riding the bus and seeing something for the first time in a place that I've passed many times.
44. The birds that live in Ramon's back yard.
45. Watching Bee dance.
46. Kissing someone I love.
47. The wind in my hair.
48. laughing with Alana and Janet.
49. Flirting.
50. yoga
51. writing when inspiration hits me.
52. dancing to reggaeton.
53. the song One Love at the end of the EE workshop.
53. Rosso Fiorentino.
54. Beethoven's fifth arranged as salsa.
55. Ribbons
56. polka dots
57. designing things and then seeing them created.
58. the smell of roses on the vine.
59. basil
60. a cold glass of iced tea on a hot summer day.
61. a hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter night.
62. Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton "Baby it's cold outside"
63. Mr. Mohammed Yunus
64. blogs and meeting people from reading their blogs.
65. wimp.com
66. a good massage that almost hurts
67. sesame oil
68. the smell of Southern California
69. peeing
70. magnets that say stuff on them.
71. irony
72. George and how he has stayed so true to himself and his beliefs.
73. teasing Rod.
74. soft pillows and blankets
75. (I notice I'm having to pause and think at this point.)
art when it creates itself
76. Hearing someone read their story.
77. Standing up for myself.
78. finding creative projects to do or to have my students do.
79. surprise packages from people who love me.
80. British humor.
81. Saying something in Arabic and surprising people.
82. the Stations of the Cross in Malta.
83. really great sex
84. The way South African people use words.
85. Walking the dogs every night.
86. spinning with Rev Bev.
87. Lifting weights and how I feel after.
88. Henry.
89. silly little surveys and having fun answers for them.
90. When Lydia gets on Skype.
91. The bear that Emily gave me.
92. Reuniting with my sisters.
93. Maintaining my boundaries with my dad.
94. crying.
95. postcards.
96. being in love.
97. knowing myself and being kind to myself.
98. dancing salsa.
99. ambiguity.
100......
Below is a sculpture of a sculptor sculpting a sculpture.
With that in mind, I'm writing one hundred things that bring me pleasure.
1. Laughter.
2. Seeing children dance ballet
3. the smell of jasmine surprising me as I walk by.
4. Aramis and the memories it brings me.
5. Red lipstick.
5. Earl Grey tea, hot.
7. Jean Luc Picard
8. When a song or a line comes to me and resonates deep down to my toes.
9. Being organized.
10. Butterflies.
11. Ennio Moricone - Gabriel's Oboe.
12. Yo Yo Ma - I feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I write his name. His work is so beautiful - it is like the heavens opened up and placed and angel in his arms.
13. Books that make me laugh out loud - especially when everyone else is quiet.
14. The smell of the woods at night.
15. Coffee in the morning.
16. My plants.
17. Lemon soap.
18. My grandma.
19. Aunt Ceil when she dresses up and works her sizzle.
20. Uncle Jimmy's corny jokes.
21. The old guy on 1% of anything. He cracks me up.
22. The sound of the gong on Daily Zen. com
23. My pink quartz stone.
24. Seeing my students work hard and laugh while they do it.
25. Boys with braces.
26. cowboys.
27. combinations that are odd.
28. Fizzy's purr.
29. The doggie wiggle dance.
30. turning the corner and seeing something majestic.
31. hugs.
32. The lasers at Harlem.
33. How Irina talks about poetry and her native Russia.
34. meditation.
35. Riding my bicycle.
36. blowing bubbles.
37. toys that have no purpose except to be moved around
38. logic puzzles that stump me and make me think really hard.
39. The music of - what's her name? Something Gardot. Wow.
40. The Korean ladies who have a soft spot for me and they smile big when I come around.
41. Books, books and more books.
42. Reading Spanish and understanding it.
43. Riding the bus and seeing something for the first time in a place that I've passed many times.
44. The birds that live in Ramon's back yard.
45. Watching Bee dance.
46. Kissing someone I love.
47. The wind in my hair.
48. laughing with Alana and Janet.
49. Flirting.
50. yoga
51. writing when inspiration hits me.
52. dancing to reggaeton.
53. the song One Love at the end of the EE workshop.
53. Rosso Fiorentino.
54. Beethoven's fifth arranged as salsa.
55. Ribbons
56. polka dots
57. designing things and then seeing them created.
58. the smell of roses on the vine.
59. basil
60. a cold glass of iced tea on a hot summer day.
61. a hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter night.
62. Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton "Baby it's cold outside"
63. Mr. Mohammed Yunus
64. blogs and meeting people from reading their blogs.
65. wimp.com
66. a good massage that almost hurts
67. sesame oil
68. the smell of Southern California
69. peeing
70. magnets that say stuff on them.
71. irony
72. George and how he has stayed so true to himself and his beliefs.
73. teasing Rod.
74. soft pillows and blankets
75. (I notice I'm having to pause and think at this point.)
art when it creates itself
76. Hearing someone read their story.
77. Standing up for myself.
78. finding creative projects to do or to have my students do.
79. surprise packages from people who love me.
80. British humor.
81. Saying something in Arabic and surprising people.
82. the Stations of the Cross in Malta.
83. really great sex
84. The way South African people use words.
85. Walking the dogs every night.
86. spinning with Rev Bev.
87. Lifting weights and how I feel after.
88. Henry.
89. silly little surveys and having fun answers for them.
90. When Lydia gets on Skype.
91. The bear that Emily gave me.
92. Reuniting with my sisters.
93. Maintaining my boundaries with my dad.
94. crying.
95. postcards.
96. being in love.
97. knowing myself and being kind to myself.
98. dancing salsa.
99. ambiguity.
100......
Below is a sculpture of a sculptor sculpting a sculpture.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Day 19
Yep, almost 3 weeks. Do those few days count that I didn't meditate because of the flood? I go back and forth about whether I should start over but then I think what matters is today.
I did a meditation about how one's body changes over time.
I feel like my body isn't mine. I don't like that. What to do?
Above:
When I was happy and when I was struggling... which one is which?
I did a meditation about how one's body changes over time.
I feel like my body isn't mine. I don't like that. What to do?
Above:
When I was happy and when I was struggling... which one is which?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Mother Nature Kicked My Ass
Turns out that flooding can stop me - not really the flooding but the other stuff - the four hour bus rides, the uncertainty of where I'll sleep, the exhaustion from trying to keep up with life in the midst of damp clothes, damp umbrellas, damp spirits.
I didn't meditate for about 4 days in the midst of all this - maybe 5. I can't remember. It was just overwhelming.
But I've been back to meditation for a few days. I've had some art projects come to mind, questions about life and G*d, curiosity about exercise in a new way.
I'm doing it. I'm just figuring some stuff out.
Right now - I don't want to waste my life.
That's all.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Day 9
Nine days. I've been doing it. I'm just tired. On the bus, I've been meditating. It isn't perfect, but it works.
It's been a rough few days.
It's been a rough few days.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Day 6 - The Top Ten
safety
belonging
love
connection
passion
compassion
discernment
courage
wisdom
the unknown
What I want more than anything...
belonging
love
connection
passion
compassion
discernment
courage
wisdom
the unknown
What I want more than anything...
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Day 5
I tried to do an Alpha Brain Wave meditation. I've read that by inducing these brain waves, you can help your creativity flourish. I found that the music made me nauseous - it was like motion sickness. And then I got dizzy. I guess none of that for me!
Off to do another meditation. Ten Minutes... that's all... then a shower and bed.
I couldn't settle down. It was making me antsy, so I went to dailyzen.com and did their shortest meditation - the 15 minutes.
My safe place has moved in my mind from the forest to the desert. More exploration of that later.
In the desert is my chakra that is connected with my heart. Wild horses live there. I have to be willing to get on the horse. I'm not willing yet.
A major breakthrough, this 15 minutes of meditation.
1/6 done!
Day 4
I went to yoga class again yesterday. It was particularly hard. There were a lot of poses I simply couldn't do. I can't help but think about how I want to honor my body. When I bought my lunch today, I thought, "Am I honoring my body with this lunch?" I got gimbop and grape juice and a banana. Everything was buy one, gt one free. I gave away a grape juice and a banana (but I ate 2 gimbops). This morning I shared my breakfast with my students. I liked having such a trusting feeling about my food. I know this blog isn't about food or my body, but this is what is coming up for me.
There's a line in a Maya Angelou poem about dancing like there are diamonds at the meeting of my thighs. I want to feel that alive. I want to laugh with abandon, love with my whole heart. I want to feel the passion that comes with peace.
I feel peaceful but not quite peace just yet. The peaceful, though is kind of nice.
(The picture is from a night I was dancing... like I have diamonds between my thighs.
)
There's a line in a Maya Angelou poem about dancing like there are diamonds at the meeting of my thighs. I want to feel that alive. I want to laugh with abandon, love with my whole heart. I want to feel the passion that comes with peace.
I feel peaceful but not quite peace just yet. The peaceful, though is kind of nice.
(The picture is from a night I was dancing... like I have diamonds between my thighs.
)
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Day 3
I have allowed my spiritual side to falter. I have been hiding and running from it. My body is on my mind, wanting to be kind ot my body, knowing that I don't have to hate my body in order to make changes. In fact, liking my body, even feeling neutral is ok, too. This is what came to me when I did this meditation.
The fat is the fuel for the fire of passion that is about to burn through me. What is it that Marianne Williamson says? Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Monday, July 18, 2011
Day 2
My meditation was a yoga class today. My computer link to the internet went down last night, but I hadn't downloaded anything. I can't find my ipod which has several meditations already on it.
I did the yoga for about 80 minutes. It was hard! But it was good. The teacher said at the end, "Tell yourself 'I love you Pamila' and show gratitude to your body." It was hard to do. I have a love / hate relationship with my body, and I was deeply wounded years ago.
I was listening to a TED talk a couple days ago by Brene Brown about connection and what interrupts connection. The people who are the most at peace, happiest, most whole hearted embrace vulnerability. They take emotional chances. They do things with no guarantees.
I want to be like that.
I realized that I don't have to hate myself to want to make change. I can just want a better life. I can decide I am worthy. I am worthy of love and belonging. I'm going to choose to believe it. For today.
I am worthy of love and belonging.
*the picture is because it is a beautiful flower. I always wanted to be a painter but can't paint. I found a program that takes my pictures and turns them into paintings. I have decided that even though I can't paint in the traditional way, I can still paint in this more modern way. That is good enough.
I did the yoga for about 80 minutes. It was hard! But it was good. The teacher said at the end, "Tell yourself 'I love you Pamila' and show gratitude to your body." It was hard to do. I have a love / hate relationship with my body, and I was deeply wounded years ago.
I was listening to a TED talk a couple days ago by Brene Brown about connection and what interrupts connection. The people who are the most at peace, happiest, most whole hearted embrace vulnerability. They take emotional chances. They do things with no guarantees.
I want to be like that.
I realized that I don't have to hate myself to want to make change. I can just want a better life. I can decide I am worthy. I am worthy of love and belonging. I'm going to choose to believe it. For today.
I am worthy of love and belonging.
*the picture is because it is a beautiful flower. I always wanted to be a painter but can't paint. I found a program that takes my pictures and turns them into paintings. I have decided that even though I can't paint in the traditional way, I can still paint in this more modern way. That is good enough.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Day 1
I started my meditation today.
I listened to this guided meditation.
I burned some sage like a smudge stick. That always makes me feel connected to my country.
My mind drifted at times, but it was ok. I was surprised that I opened up so much in ten minutes.
Because I like to be kind of creative, I've decided to add one of my pictures to each day's meditation. Today, I added the main photo to this blog - the fish that hangs from the roof of a temple. I love that story. It's sad but touches my heart. I'll have to look for it.
Also, to help me, I've found this list of Zen Koans. It also has them in Spanish, so I'm going to read them in Spanish first, and if I don't understand them, I will read them in English. It's a good way to practice my Spanish I think!
http://cincinato.org/koans/index.php
I listened to this guided meditation.
I burned some sage like a smudge stick. That always makes me feel connected to my country.
My mind drifted at times, but it was ok. I was surprised that I opened up so much in ten minutes.
Because I like to be kind of creative, I've decided to add one of my pictures to each day's meditation. Today, I added the main photo to this blog - the fish that hangs from the roof of a temple. I love that story. It's sad but touches my heart. I'll have to look for it.
Also, to help me, I've found this list of Zen Koans. It also has them in Spanish, so I'm going to read them in Spanish first, and if I don't understand them, I will read them in English. It's a good way to practice my Spanish I think!
http://cincinato.org/koans/index.php
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